This being thrown under the bus business has become quite the recurring theme in my life. I don’t know what it is about me, but I just seem to attract trouble, drama, scandals, you name it, and all I want is a peaceful life!
A few days ago, a friend asked me to join a ladies tennis doubles, I’m so out of practice and rusty from being dumped by the asshole tennis coach and the slipped disc, I just wanted to hit some balls. After our game, we sat down to have a drink or two and chat amongst girls. My friend seemed to know all the gossip about all the members and was bringing me up to speed, the other friend didn’t say much and quickly left, the remaining girl was telling us a bit about her, her love life and what she wanted in life.
This guy friend came up in conversation, I told them I’ve known him a long time, he’s a very good tennis player, very sweet and polite, just that he’s quite unreliable and has a thing for older Eastern European women. My friend then suggested we go to dinner, I had to wash my hair which requires a good two hours (no joke), so she told me to hurry and get ready.
Last night we were looking for a fourth player for today, I messaged whoever I could think of as did my friend, some people didn’t even bother replying and the others were out of town. As I was getting ready to go to bed, I looked at my phone, the archived messages (where I put ‘friends’ who regularly drop off the radar, I noticed I had quite a few messages from my guy friend, the unreliable one!
Sheevy
Why do you say stupid childish stuff behind my back?
I’m curious? Honestly speaking what’s wrong with you dear? Except for being nice to you for the last 14/15 years, did I do something bad except take care of you?
Who do you think you are, I’m curious? Just a normal person, nothing more than that lol
I’m so upset at your behaviour, you’re nearly 45 years old wtf!’
I had to read all that again, what on earth was he talking about? He said some things about my mother too but none of it made any sense, I thought for a while and still couldn’t understand his reaction, was he drunk perhaps? And take care of me??? Nope, he’s never taken care of me but that wasn’t what bothered me. I didn’t like the way he was talking to me, so I replied:
‘I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, you’re being extremely RUDE and disrespectful, I don’t appreciate such behaviour from anyone!!! I’ve always said you’re a nice and polite, well-mannered guy to everyone, sure you’re unreliable but that’s not the end of the world, but with these kinds of messages you’re making me regret saying good things about you! Maybe I don’t know you at all because nice kind people don’t write such nasty things nor do they behave this way. And What about my mother??? Yes, I’m a normal person, just like you, I’ve never pretended to be anyone other than myself, what you see is what you get. Are you on drugs or something to be talking to me this way??? Seriously you should be very ashamed of these messages you have sent me tonight, SHAME ON YOU!’
Then he left me a voice message:
‘Sheevy, I’m sleeping and just opened my phone and saw that you didn’t answer me and I deleted the messages. You barely know this person and told them that I’m unreliable, why would you say this about me? What does this even mean? This is so childish! Are you a child? Did you think I’d be embarrassed to tell you? Have a good night!’
I thought for a moment, who have I spoken to recently and called this friend unreliable except for my mother who also calls him unreliable… He again brought my mother into it, but that part didn’t make sense once again. Was he referring to the conversation he had with my mother last week maybe, and if so, why’s he only bringing it up now?
I messaged back:
‘Your message makes no sense to me, my mom says you’re unreliable to me and to you yourself, who are you talking about? What’s the issue here, that my mom and I both say that you’re unreliable, is this your issue?? So, if I’m childish then my mom is childish too thanks, we both appreciate it. Goodnight.’
I looked at my phone, and he was leaving me another voice message, it was almost 6am and I needed a good nine hours sleep before tennis, at this rate I was only going to get about six or seven.
I played the message:
‘SHEEVA, why are you talking nonsense? You just piss me off, yes me being unreliable isn’t that big of a deal, your mom told me and we spoke about it it’s fine. But saying it in front of others is embarrassing for me, you just said it to someone you met, it’s like me seeing someone today and them telling me, oh I met this girl called Sheeva do you know her? And me saying yes of course, she’s such a good girl from a good background, I’ve known her a long time. I don’t say, “You know what? My mom said she’s such an unreliable person”. I mean why would you say this, YOU should be embarrassed and I’m very upset with you. I just don’t want to talk to you, I swear to God. If you just messaged and said I didn’t mean anything it’s fine, if not, I swear to God I’ll never speak to you again. Yes, I’m nice, I know who I am. What are you saying about pretending? Yes, obviously you’re a normal person!’
I was dumfounded, that ‘b**ch who’d met my friend just once recently went and told him everything we spoke about amongst girls! And yes, I did say he’s unreliable, but I also said he’s a nice person and a great tennis player which she failed to mention, she just focused on the not-so-great things. It’s safe to say that I won’t ever be playing tennis with her again, nor will I invite her to any future book launch or jewellery showcase of SHEEVA. Once I digested it all and figured it all out, I messaged back:
‘Uff you’re just taking this way too seriously, I never even said anything bad about you or meant any harm, I’ve always spoken about you nicely and this subject of unreliability is just a harmless thing. Like my friends saying I’m always late, it’s true I’m always late but I won’t get upset about it. NEVER ever have I said anything bad, this person is obviously trying to create issues and if anyone is childish it’s them! To stir up sh*t like this is so stupid and unnecessary, really who is this idiot?’
We continued to message back and forth, he was extremely upset with me, that much was clear. At this point I just wanted to go hit this girl in the head with my tennis racket!
‘Imagine you were hearing things? How would you react? he messaged.
The not so funny thing is, that five years ago when it was around the time of ‘The Cupid Index’ book launch, he told two people I knew very well that he didn’t have time to attend a stupid girlie book launch. Yes, it made its way back to me twice! It wasn’t nice to hear but I didn’t even bother saying anything at the time. I eventually did say something, but I wasn’t aggressive about it, I just told him I didn’t appreciate what he said and that was that. So, I told him exactly that, which he ignored and continued to go on about this person who relayed everything I said about him.
‘Yes, I hold my hands up high and said you’re unreliable, is that the worst thing in the world? When you said you’re not going to some sh*t book launch.’
He replied:
‘Ok, next time if someone asks me if I know you, I’ll hold my hands up high and say you’re really crazy! Will you appreciate that?’
I suddenly felt like I was in the middle of some cat and mouse game. I went on to explain that my intention was never to upset him, I’m not that person. And it was very clear that this person was jealous about something to go stir up unnecessary trouble. I made a mistake, I apologised to him, we made up, and he also apologised for coming on too strong. I told him should anything like this happen again or any misunderstandings occur, to just talk to me calmly instead of attacking me.
Once I managed to deescalate the situation, I immediately messaged my friend and told her what happened, and that I never wish to see this person again. In future I’ll also be doing thorough background checks, ensuring I won’t be coming across any more toxic personalities. And since it was 7am at this point I wasn’t sure I’d make it to tennis. At about 11am I felt like quite the train wreck and cancelled the game. The drama upset me as I really didn’t mean anything malicious by the girlie chat we had on Friday, I felt so stressed, I know I didn’t do anything wrong, except for trusting this person, lesson learnt, I won’t be so forthcoming next time, I’ll just sit there like a dumb mute and let my friend tell us all the gossip. Nobody is going to attack her.
This all reminded me of this time in Marbella many moons ago, we were all sat having lunch, this guy was telling us about how he met his soon to be wife when she was sixteen, about three of us referred to him as a paedophile but as a joke. The next day my mother received a call from the guy’s father about me using awful language, the guy must have been in his late twenties, but his dad called! Did he call the other girls’ parents? Of course not, just mine! Bear in mind I was about twenty, and yet the parents somehow how to get involved. My mother politely told the father to get lost. That night his drunk sister tried to start a fight with me at a bar, she came up to me, pushed me, swore at me, said something about starting a war, I just shrugged, rolled my eyes and walked off.
During my psychology session today, I brought all this up to my psychologist. When I told him what happened he was most unimpressed.
‘She clearly has very low social intelligence, you just don’t do such a thing!’ Said my psychologist.
‘I need to ask you, what is the psychological aspect of what this girl did?’ I asked.
‘It’s all very interesting.’ He said.
‘It’s really not that interesting, it’s more annoying!’ I insisted.
‘There are several explanations, firstly the low social intelligence to take personal conversations to someone, then she could be jealous of you and wanted to burn you, or she just doesn’t like you and wanted to burn you, and lastly, this guy is on her radar and she thought she’d score points by telling him what you talked about. What she did is in bad taste and a very bad way of making friends. But I’m more interested in his reaction, it was a very over the top reaction, does he like you?’ He asked with a cheeky smile.
He definitely doesn’t like me, that much I know of, yes, he did overreact for something so little, uff this girl has infuriated me!
‘No, it’s nothing like that, I think he’s just worried about his reputation. Maybe it was a mistake to say anything to this person, but I didn’t mean any harm and here I am once again, wanting to give this person a piece of my mind!’ I said grimacing.
“It wasn’t a mistake, she just shouldn’t have gone and told him what you said, that’s not the way to make friends,’ he said reassuringly. ‘All this takes me back to when we first met and did the SCHEMA’s questionnaire, and how mistrust, self-protection, emotional deprivation and unrelenting standards of yourself and others came up, it’s also a reason why you sometimes ignore people before they can abandon you’.
‘All my life I’ve been under attack by people, my cousins, and I always try to be nice, polite, respectful, and these things keep on happening to me,’ I said disheartened.
‘I can believe that, but have you ever thought that you’re a higher profile than you think you are, for some reason you stand out, and others are just jealous of you?’ He asked.
‘I don’t feel that way,’ I said sincerely, ‘I just seem to always be caught up in messy dramas, I’ve never understood the jealousy part as I feel others have achieved so much more, gotten further ahead in life, they don’t have my health issues and yet people are still trying to knock me down.’ I felt a bit sad.
‘It’s about finding the right people the right way,’ he said.
‘I thought making friends at tennis was the right way…’ I said disappointedly.
We scheduled our next session for the coming week. I needed to psyche myself up and go to the gym since I didn’t make it to tennis.
I also needed to draft something I’d say to this b**ch otherwise it’ll just eat away at me like it did the time my tennis coach dumped me, and that idiot racing driver made me feel so down about having anxiety, or all the times people have thrown me under the bus and I’ve not said anything or waited too long to say anything.
How’s this for a draft?
We had a ‘friendly’ chat amongst girls that should have remained that way.
You don’t know me, it’s not easy to make friends but it’s very easy to make enemies in a small place like this, especially when one has low social intelligence like yourself. I joined Friday as a favour, I lowered my standards, I don’t play low level players like yourself.
The next time you talk behind my back, just know that I will find out, and I will make sure to make it known what kind of a person you are. Don’t ever mention my name again and don’t ever talk about me behind my back!! I’m a nice person… that is until I’m betrayed for one’s selfish personal gain.
Now all I need to do is wait until the next time I cross paths with her, I don’t have her contact details but at least it feels therapeutic having written what I’d like to say, should the opportunity ever arise. And next time, I really won’t say much, people are pure evil, girls like her are opportunists and they don’t care who they burn along the way, just as long as they can gain personal advantage or get closer to their target. All this is another reason why I prefer to stay at home with my dogs and Korean teacups, as opposed to socialising with ruthless, evil individuals.